and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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