i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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