Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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