Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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