Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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