my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize