3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
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Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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