She is in my trunk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The uberlube is also flammable
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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