I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize