Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I enjoy the company of your penis
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