Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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