There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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