and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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