My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize