Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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