dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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