i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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