i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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