Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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