he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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