dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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