You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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