I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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