Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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The beer is more important than you right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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