actually, I'm a sock model
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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