During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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