Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
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8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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