I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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