Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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