smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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