What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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