I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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