I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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