Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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