i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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