My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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