Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize