mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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