this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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