She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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