I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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