When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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