Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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