Will you blow on my dice?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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