my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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