I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize