Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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