i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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