I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize