hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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