Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize